1
00:00:00,752 --> 00:00:04,301
Hi, I'm gonna be your waitress
because my mother drank.

2
00:00:05,386 --> 00:00:08,351
- We need a sec.
- Feeling kind of generous. Take two.

3
00:00:09,811 --> 00:00:12,442
Then he said to me,
"dude, your vagina is weird."

4
00:00:12,609 --> 00:00:16,408
Dude, that's insane. It is so not weird.
Your vagina's awesome.

5
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,786
Okay, I'm ready.

6
00:00:17,953 --> 00:00:19,706
Now I need a sec.

7
00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:22,671
Well, it's over. I can't say it anymore.

8
00:00:22,837 --> 00:00:24,633
The vagina's gone mainstream.

9
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,722
What's next?
A clothing line at target?

10
00:00:28,641 --> 00:00:31,564
Aw, Max, I'm sorry.
It's your favorite word.

11
00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:34,570
And my favorite body part,
but now everyone's saying it.

12
00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:38,244
Well, we can pick another word for it.
Something cute, like cookie?

13
00:00:38,411 --> 00:00:41,750
Sounds like a good idea until you walk
past a bunch of girl scouts...

14
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,005
selling their cookies on the street.

15
00:00:44,631 --> 00:00:47,804
Well, we've gotta pick something,
because vagina's everywhere.

16
00:00:47,971 --> 00:00:49,600
Where?

17
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:03,878
Narrator:
Previously on two broke girls:

18
00:01:04,045 --> 00:01:08,888
This is invitation
to "metropolitan museum annual gala."

19
00:01:09,055 --> 00:01:10,808
We have the invitation. She'll be there.

20
00:01:10,975 --> 00:01:13,731
You are talking about
us stalking Martha Stewart.

21
00:01:13,898 --> 00:01:16,987
So you want me to taste your cupcake
in the ladies' room?

22
00:01:17,155 --> 00:01:19,242
What's inappropriate about that?

23
00:01:19,409 --> 00:01:22,916
That is our beer-batter maple-bacon
spring break cupcake.

24
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,838
Quite tasty. Do you girls have a card?

25
00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:27,592
Both:
Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes!

26
00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:29,096
[Both laugh]

27
00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:32,769
Max, have you seen my phone?

28
00:01:32,936 --> 00:01:35,650
I wanna take a picture of this bad tip
and put it on instagram.

29
00:01:35,817 --> 00:01:39,783
Getting loose change used to be so
depressing, but now I can share it.

30
00:01:40,118 --> 00:01:41,203
Let me sum it up:

31
00:01:41,370 --> 00:01:45,628
Twitter is stupid and instagram
is Twitter for people who can't read.

32
00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:50,471
Where is my phone? I could have sworn
i left it right here, next to yours.

33
00:01:50,638 --> 00:01:51,974
Oh, I'll just call it.

34
00:01:52,225 --> 00:01:54,646
Oh, that's not necessary.
I'm sure it'll turn up...

35
00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:57,235
[on phone] My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard

36
00:01:57,402 --> 00:01:59,197
and they're like
it's better than yours

37
00:01:59,364 --> 00:02:00,450
in my pocket.

38
00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:03,038
Max, why are you hiding my phone
in your apron?

39
00:02:03,205 --> 00:02:06,545
Is that the big question?
Because I think the bigger question is:

40
00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:11,012
Why is your ringtone "my milkshake
brings all the boys to the yard"?

41
00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:15,605
If you have to ask that, you clearly
have not seen my milkshake.

42
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:18,694
Okay, here. I'm busted.

43
00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:21,450
I was checking to see
if Martha Stewart called us yet.

44
00:02:21,617 --> 00:02:24,206
You checked it again?
You check it every 15 minutes.

45
00:02:24,373 --> 00:02:27,545
I know. I'm acting like a little bitch.

46
00:02:27,962 --> 00:02:30,050
Max, Martha Stewart
has our business card.

47
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,054
She liked our cupcake. She'll call.

48
00:02:32,222 --> 00:02:34,685
Look, in my defense,
she asked for our card.

49
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:37,774
She got us all hot and bothered
and then what? Nothing.

50
00:02:37,941 --> 00:02:40,613
Martha Stewart is a cake tease.

51
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:41,907
[Gasps]

52
00:02:42,784 --> 00:02:46,082
How dare you?
Martha Stewart is not a cake tease.

53
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,088
Nothing worse than a cake tease.
Ask any man.

54
00:02:49,798 --> 00:02:52,595
Yeah, you shower, you powder your sack.

55
00:02:52,762 --> 00:02:54,599
For what?

56
00:02:56,854 --> 00:02:59,776
Max, relax. She'll call.
Everything's gonna work out.

57
00:02:59,943 --> 00:03:02,449
A year ago,
we didn't even have a cupcake business.

58
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,035
Look how far we've come.

59
00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:07,709
I haven't come at all,
thanks to the cake tease.

60
00:03:10,465 --> 00:03:13,596
[Imitates Martha stewart]
Oh, your cupcake is quite tasty.

61
00:03:13,763 --> 00:03:15,140
Do you have a card?

62
00:03:15,308 --> 00:03:17,353
Max, that's a good Martha Stewart.

63
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,361
[In normal voice] I know, because I can't
get her siren voice out of my head.

64
00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:23,657
[Caroline laughs]

65
00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:27,582
Caroline:
Wow, han.

66
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:31,548
You look like you were hit
by a mardi gras and a gay-pride float.

67
00:03:32,049 --> 00:03:35,681
I have just returned from the exciting
Manhattan restaurant trade show.

68
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,435
Look at all this free swag.

69
00:03:37,602 --> 00:03:39,356
And I've got stress balls.

70
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:43,029
Well, just go in the back
and take care of yourself.

71
00:03:43,906 --> 00:03:46,370
Listen up, everybody.
I have a big announcement.

72
00:03:46,537 --> 00:03:49,793
Well, more like a 5'1" announcement.

73
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,549
I am changing the diner
to state-of-the-art computer...

74
00:03:52,715 --> 00:03:55,346
power-touch ordering system
for food and checks.

75
00:03:55,513 --> 00:03:56,974
I am not learning anything new.

76
00:03:57,141 --> 00:03:59,896
I work here because I have no skills.

77
00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:03,571
You don't have to learn it, Max.
It's very smart machine.

78
00:04:03,737 --> 00:04:04,906
It will help you.

79
00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:07,745
Uh-huh. That's how it started with machines
in the matrix.

80
00:04:07,912 --> 00:04:10,293
Next thing you know,
the human race was enslaved.

81
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:11,837
Been there, done that.

82
00:04:12,004 --> 00:04:14,008
I'm with Max.

83
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,392
We are doing it. It's important
to move the business into the future.

84
00:04:18,601 --> 00:04:21,315
So get with it, you luddites.

85
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:24,988
Uh-uh-uh-uh. Girls, we got big trouble.

86
00:04:25,155 --> 00:04:28,871
If he starts using a new system,
i won't be able to use my old system...

87
00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:31,710
where I skim something off the top.

88
00:04:31,877 --> 00:04:33,422
Earl, skimming?

89
00:04:33,631 --> 00:04:34,841
I'm kind of shocked.

90
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,303
I don't do it for me.

91
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:39,810
You know how once a month,
you girls have a really good night in tips?

92
00:04:39,976 --> 00:04:41,814
You're welcome.

93
00:04:42,231 --> 00:04:43,901
I have been lying awake at night...

94
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:47,742
trying to figure out how we made
that 200 bucks with her skills.

95
00:04:48,661 --> 00:04:50,998
- Hey, girls.
- Hey, Sophie.

96
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:55,341
You know, every time I come here,
I'm surprised you're still open.

97
00:04:57,971 --> 00:04:59,349
Here you go, Sophie.

98
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:04,776
Hey, where's the little Asian woman
that always hands me my menu?

99
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:08,367
- Asian woman? You mean han?
- Mm-hm.

100
00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:10,162
Sophie, han's a man.

101
00:05:10,329 --> 00:05:13,209
If you say so.

102
00:05:14,796 --> 00:05:16,675
Is there anything special tonight?

103
00:05:17,468 --> 00:05:20,307
Yes. Here I am.

104
00:05:21,225 --> 00:05:23,564
With treats for my sweet.

105
00:05:23,731 --> 00:05:26,904
Oh, day-glo zebra?

106
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:29,659
That's my favorite animal.

107
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:33,959
Oh, and edible underwear.

108
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:37,257
That's my favorite snack.

109
00:05:37,926 --> 00:05:41,642
Yeah, and they're crotchless,
so less carbs.

110
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:48,154
Oh. And my favorite microwavable lube.

111
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,287
And what's this?

112
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:55,210
Toothbrushes?

113
00:05:55,378 --> 00:05:59,218
Oh, that's going to hurt you, but okay.

114
00:06:00,303 --> 00:06:04,019
No, I want to leave them at your house
now that you and I are exclusive.

115
00:06:04,521 --> 00:06:06,525
[Laughing]

116
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,737
Exclusive?

117
00:06:09,321 --> 00:06:11,158
Wait, hold phone.

118
00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:14,416
Are you telling me
that you and I are not exclusive?

119
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,795
Exclusive? Ha-ha-ha.

120
00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:18,591
Oh, come on. Stop it now.

121
00:06:18,757 --> 00:06:21,597
Go on, Jay leno. Ha-ha-ha.

122
00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:25,563
Caroline, did you think Sophie and i
were exclusive?

123
00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:28,611
Well, you have stopped showing us
your penis.

124
00:06:28,777 --> 00:06:30,238
Exactly.

125
00:06:30,406 --> 00:06:32,367
If that's not exclusive,
i don't know what is.

126
00:06:32,535 --> 00:06:33,704
[Sophie laughing]

127
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:36,627
Exclusive? Oh, my god.

128
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,881
Oh, come on, stop it before i...

129
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,342
[gasps]

130
00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:43,014
Oh. Uh-oh.

131
00:06:43,181 --> 00:06:44,517
It happened.

132
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:46,939
I split my spanx.

133
00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,953
Martha Stewart, please.

134
00:06:54,119 --> 00:06:55,748
It's Michelle Obama.

135
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:57,961
What's this about?

136
00:06:58,587 --> 00:07:01,885
My sheets shrunk and I am pissed.

137
00:07:03,054 --> 00:07:04,432
Hello?

138
00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:08,774
Max, it didn't work when you were
Mick Jagger with a busted muffin tin...

139
00:07:08,941 --> 00:07:12,114
or Alicia keys
with a wonky shower curtain.

140
00:07:12,281 --> 00:07:15,579
It really didn't work when you
were Steve Jobs back from the dead...

141
00:07:15,746 --> 00:07:18,585
with thoughts on her panini press.

142
00:07:18,752 --> 00:07:22,342
- Stop sober dialing Martha Stewart.
- Who says I'm sober?

143
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,346
Max, give me your phone.

144
00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,858
[On phone] My milkshake brings
all the boys to the yard

145
00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:31,027
and they're like

146
00:07:31,193 --> 00:07:32,279
now give me my phone.

147
00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:35,035
Okay. Take it. Done. I'm over her.

148
00:07:35,201 --> 00:07:36,747
When is she gonna call me?

149
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:39,794
My milkshake would totally bring her
to the yard.

150
00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:41,965
Max, this isn't you.

151
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,512
I mean, you're strong. You're a bad-ass.

152
00:07:44,679 --> 00:07:47,267
You beat hpv with Tylenol.

153
00:07:47,477 --> 00:07:49,814
And it wasn't even the name brand.

154
00:07:49,981 --> 00:07:51,233
What's wrong with you?

155
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,154
I was a virgin before Martha, okay?

156
00:07:53,321 --> 00:07:55,660
No one ever told me
i was good at anything.

157
00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:58,164
And you never forget
your first rich white woman.

158
00:07:58,331 --> 00:07:59,959
With or without Martha Stewart...

159
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:03,257
we'll build our cupcake business
and be a success. I know it.

160
00:08:03,424 --> 00:08:05,011
How? How do you know that?

161
00:08:05,178 --> 00:08:09,186
I know because you have the talent,
i have the vision, and because I feel it.

162
00:08:09,353 --> 00:08:10,564
I feel it here.

163
00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:13,069
Oh, blech. Your heart?

164
00:08:13,236 --> 00:08:14,906
No. My pearls.

165
00:08:15,073 --> 00:08:16,242
My lucky pearls.

166
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:19,081
By lucky, do you mean ugly?

167
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,087
I've worn these every day
since I was evicted from my townhouse.

168
00:08:22,254 --> 00:08:24,133
This Pearl necklace brings me luck.

169
00:08:24,299 --> 00:08:25,427
[Laughs]

170
00:08:25,594 --> 00:08:28,016
You think your life is lucky?

171
00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:31,773
This morning, you used toilet paper
as a coffee filter...

172
00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,488
and then used it as toilet paper.

173
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:40,123
This sounds silly, but there is something
about putting on these pearls...

174
00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:44,506
that makes me feel strong, confident,
and like anything is possible.

175
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:47,597
And as long as I have these lucky pe...

176
00:08:49,141 --> 00:08:50,351
[Caroline gasps]

177
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:53,107
Oh, no. Oh, no.

178
00:08:53,274 --> 00:08:56,489
No, no. Don't freak out, don't freak out.
We'll get them.

179
00:08:57,532 --> 00:08:58,952
Oh, no.

180
00:08:59,119 --> 00:09:00,956
My pearls. My lucky pearls.

181
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,629
Yes, yes,
we have identified the problem.

182
00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:05,173
Just pick them up.

183
00:09:13,439 --> 00:09:15,861
Whoa, looks like somebody
found breakfast.

184
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:18,199
No, Chestnut.

185
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,330
I'm still using that.

186
00:09:21,497 --> 00:09:23,251
Well, nothing's gonna work out now.

187
00:09:23,418 --> 00:09:24,712
Here comes the bad luck.

188
00:09:24,879 --> 00:09:27,509
Don't be ridiculous.
Your luck couldn't get any worse.

189
00:09:31,935 --> 00:09:33,354
[Caroline gasps]

190
00:09:33,521 --> 00:09:36,569
[Whimpering]

191
00:09:36,736 --> 00:09:38,531
Or could it?

192
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:48,050
Okay, Earl.
This is the l-520 order-system touchpad.

193
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:50,430
Look how simple. See?

194
00:09:50,598 --> 00:09:54,229
I'm telling you, i can't figure
this tricky little thing out.

195
00:09:54,396 --> 00:09:56,567
Earl, it's an on/off button.

196
00:09:56,735 --> 00:09:57,820
Oh, slow down.

197
00:09:57,987 --> 00:10:00,366
It does both?

198
00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:04,667
Let me just charge this up
for you right here.

199
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:11,263
Oh, this thing has been plugged
more than the Kardashian sisters.

200
00:10:12,934 --> 00:10:15,522
I better check the old wiring
in diner first.

201
00:10:16,065 --> 00:10:19,363
Max, now I feel like everyone's staring
at my chest area.

202
00:10:19,530 --> 00:10:22,703
Well, welcome to my life
every day since I was 9.

203
00:10:23,079 --> 00:10:25,166
That necklace meant
something special to me.

204
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,632
Didn't you ever lose anything sentimental
you had for a long time?

205
00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,554
My mother.
But then she found her way back.

206
00:10:31,721 --> 00:10:34,184
Look, I am done waiting
for Martha to call.

207
00:10:34,351 --> 00:10:36,438
I say we go down there
with some cupcakes...

208
00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:38,109
remind her she liked them...

209
00:10:38,317 --> 00:10:42,159
- and suggest she puts us on her show.
- No, I can't go without my pearls.

210
00:10:42,325 --> 00:10:46,500
And it's more than just the luck.
It's who I was before I lost everything.

211
00:10:46,668 --> 00:10:49,381
You know how I always say,
"hi, I'm Caroline Channing"...

212
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:50,885
and then touch my pearls?

213
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,891
I'm not just introducing myself,
I'm reminding myself.

214
00:10:54,057 --> 00:10:56,353
Well, let me remind you
of something else.

215
00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,028
Yesterday you told me we were going
to rule the world with cupcakes.

216
00:11:00,195 --> 00:11:02,115
Yeah, that was the pearls talking.

217
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:04,036
Okay, well, now I'm talking.

218
00:11:04,203 --> 00:11:06,498
There is no luck, there's only work.

219
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,754
And right now,
you're working my last nerve.

220
00:11:09,129 --> 00:11:12,093
So I'm going down there myself
and if Martha won't help me...

221
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:15,058
I'm gonna bust her kneecaps
with a rolling pin and say:

222
00:11:15,225 --> 00:11:17,688
"Now, that's a good thing."

223
00:11:19,943 --> 00:11:21,863
What if we just send Martha an e-mail...

224
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,786
so we're not in her office
begging some receptionist.

225
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:26,673
- That won't do anything.
Caroline: It will.

226
00:11:26,831 --> 00:11:29,169
I craft amazing e-mails. I went to wharton.

227
00:11:29,336 --> 00:11:32,008
- Heh.
- Please don't, Max, that's all I have left.

228
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,678
Max, Caroline.

229
00:11:33,845 --> 00:11:37,477
I found something at the restaurant
trade show you might be interested in.

230
00:11:37,644 --> 00:11:41,987
The only trade I'm interested in is if
we can exchange you for anybody else.

231
00:11:42,153 --> 00:11:44,784
Caroline: Ha, ha.
- You won't be laughing in a minute.

232
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:48,750
Look, it's a cupcake from the new
state-of-the-art cupcake atm machine.

233
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,213
Sprinkles cupcakes plans
to put them everywhere.

234
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:55,013
Soon everyone will be able
to just push a button, day or night...

235
00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,265
and get a cupcake.

236
00:11:56,850 --> 00:12:00,565
So I guess what I'm saying is,
you might be screwed.

237
00:12:02,694 --> 00:12:04,615
Delicious.

238
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:07,037
And no attitude.

239
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:13,800
Well, more bad luck. I thought you were
kidding, but machines are taking over.

240
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,890
We can't compete with that.
The business is done. Game over.

241
00:12:17,057 --> 00:12:19,394
Man, you are never gonna make it
in the future.

242
00:12:19,561 --> 00:12:21,231
This is where the humans fight.

243
00:12:21,398 --> 00:12:24,488
This is where we march down
to Martha Stewart, demand a blurb...

244
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,408
so we can compete with machines...

245
00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:30,249
just like in
Terminator 2: Rise of the desserts.

246
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,838
Fine. Let's go see Martha.
She's our only hope.

247
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:36,387
My lucky necklace is gone.
We can no longer wait for magic to happen.

248
00:12:36,553 --> 00:12:40,270
Thank you, by the way, for never telling me
that our former plan was magic.

249
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:46,573
We'll just reintroduce ourselves
and our cupcakes to Martha...

250
00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:49,579
and impress her, even though
I'm wearing a necklace I hate.

251
00:12:49,746 --> 00:12:51,667
It's limp, anemic and lackluster.

252
00:12:51,835 --> 00:12:53,797
I have an Olsen twin around my neck.

253
00:12:54,506 --> 00:12:55,675
Here.

254
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:56,970
Caroline:
What are you doing?

255
00:12:57,137 --> 00:12:59,934
So Martha will recognize me.

256
00:13:00,643 --> 00:13:02,272
Caroline:
Hi, excuse me. Two questions:

257
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,570
Which floor is Martha Stewart on,
and should I lose this necklace?

258
00:13:06,823 --> 00:13:09,119
Well, your silence speaks volumes.

259
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:12,500
Hi, I'm not crazy,
so you can just tell me the floor number.

260
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:16,175
Elevator right over there, 15th floor,
Martha Stewart living omnimedia.

261
00:13:16,342 --> 00:13:19,097
Heh. Just got a little damp.

262
00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:21,352
Thanks for your help. Feels better.

263
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:25,068
Smart, getting necklace advice
from a guy with no neck.

264
00:13:25,234 --> 00:13:29,994
Wait. Is that...? That's the cupcake
machine that han was talking about.

265
00:13:30,161 --> 00:13:31,705
Oh, no.

266
00:13:31,873 --> 00:13:35,463
I was hoping it'd be ugly,
but it's pink and really cute.

267
00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:38,260
It's like a gay r2-d2.

268
00:13:39,054 --> 00:13:41,893
Well, a gayer r2-d2.

269
00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:44,773
Who wouldn't want a cupcake from this?

270
00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:46,861
No one.

271
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:48,155
We have to mess her up.

272
00:13:48,322 --> 00:13:51,078
What? Why are you carrying spray paint
in your purse?

273
00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:54,459
For the same reason I carry a tampon.
Because you never know.

274
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,965
We are not gonna destroy
someone else's property.

275
00:13:57,465 --> 00:14:00,722
Well, we have to do something,
because it's that machine or us.

276
00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:04,104
Oh, I know. We can open the little door
and put a poop in it.

277
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:08,446
Not one of mine. Jeez, what am I, a pig?

278
00:14:09,322 --> 00:14:11,326
Well, I'm not doing it.

279
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:14,666
No. We just get some puppy poo
from the street.

280
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:17,422
No. We are not that desperate.

281
00:14:17,839 --> 00:14:20,261
And I'm out of wetnaps.

282
00:14:21,472 --> 00:14:24,853
No, see. We already met Martha.
We're just stopping by to say hi.

283
00:14:25,021 --> 00:14:28,110
You've already met Martha,
you're just stopping by to say hi.

284
00:14:28,277 --> 00:14:30,698
Yes. Martha Stewart asked us for our card.

285
00:14:30,865 --> 00:14:33,454
Martha Stewart asked you for your card.

286
00:14:33,662 --> 00:14:36,085
Where should I tell Martha
she asked for your card?

287
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,545
In the ladies' room.

288
00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:40,635
Martha Stewart asked you
for your card in the ladies' room.

289
00:14:40,802 --> 00:14:43,265
Okay. Don't make it sound like that.
It happened.

290
00:14:43,432 --> 00:14:46,647
- We cornered her in the...
- Don't make it sound like that either.

291
00:14:46,814 --> 00:14:50,446
We went to a gala on the off-chance she'd
be gracious enough to try our cupcake.

292
00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:53,912
- And she did. She was very gracious.
- "Cornered" was the wrong word.

293
00:14:54,079 --> 00:14:56,291
It's not like we went there
to hunt her down.

294
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,297
It's not like you went there
to hunt her down.

295
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:00,968
It's not.

296
00:15:01,135 --> 00:15:02,262
Okay. I hear your tone.

297
00:15:02,429 --> 00:15:05,643
I see what's going down here.
You think I'm some kind of a problem.

298
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:08,232
Well, for the record:
Martha came on to me.

299
00:15:08,399 --> 00:15:09,901
All right. Okay.

300
00:15:10,069 --> 00:15:12,490
This is not going
as well as we had hoped.

301
00:15:12,657 --> 00:15:14,954
Don't know how it could
without my magic pearls.

302
00:15:15,121 --> 00:15:18,419
L get that you're not gonna let us
up there, and I don't blame you...

303
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:22,677
what with this one talking about magic.
But just so you know, we are not lying.

304
00:15:22,844 --> 00:15:24,890
It happened.
And after we hunted her down...

305
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:27,145
Because, yeah,
you got us on that, we did.

306
00:15:27,312 --> 00:15:31,320
Martha told us she liked
our entrepreneurial drive.

307
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,075
Well, that does sound like Martha.

308
00:15:34,284 --> 00:15:36,121
Okay. I'll send these up. Have a seat.

309
00:15:36,288 --> 00:15:38,375
Oh. Thank you so much.

310
00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:39,920
And here, please take one.

311
00:15:40,087 --> 00:15:43,135
Just so you can see for yourself
why Martha asked for our card.

312
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:46,809
Well, I was gonna get a cupcake
from that cute machine downstairs later.

313
00:15:46,976 --> 00:15:50,358
Oh. Don't. I heard someone found something
nasty in that. In about an hour.

314
00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:51,819
Max.

315
00:15:51,986 --> 00:15:56,078
This is our beer-batter maple-bacon
spring break cupcake.

316
00:15:56,328 --> 00:15:58,833
Mm. I see why Martha...

317
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,963
Oh! What the...?

318
00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:02,674
I cracked my tooth.

319
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,678
What...? Ow!

320
00:16:04,845 --> 00:16:07,433
What is that? Is it glass?

321
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,062
No, it's a Pearl.

322
00:16:09,396 --> 00:16:11,024
I'm so sorry.

323
00:16:11,191 --> 00:16:13,195
Sorry? You're sorry?

324
00:16:13,362 --> 00:16:17,495
I've been wearing invisaligns
for 11 months.

325
00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:20,543
Well, there goes our big break.

326
00:16:21,086 --> 00:16:23,340
Never would have happened
if I'd had my necklace.

327
00:16:23,507 --> 00:16:25,344
The one that broke into the batter...

328
00:16:25,511 --> 00:16:28,642
and that woman spit into her hand
mixed with saliva and blood?

329
00:16:28,809 --> 00:16:30,897
That lucky necklace?

330
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:32,942
Yes.

331
00:16:33,152 --> 00:16:34,362
Might as well face it.

332
00:16:34,529 --> 00:16:37,452
You and I are on our own.
Not just because of Martha either.

333
00:16:37,619 --> 00:16:40,666
Because there is no such thing
as good luck. Never seen it.

334
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:45,134
And all lucky charms are stupid,
except for the lucky charms...

335
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,764
which are magically delicious.

336
00:16:50,728 --> 00:16:52,148
Look at it over there.

337
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:54,945
Gay r2-d2 just laughing at us.

338
00:16:55,112 --> 00:16:57,283
You were right, Max.
You and I are on our own.

339
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,831
We're just a little start-up cupcake
company in a hard, hard world.

340
00:17:00,998 --> 00:17:04,256
And we gotta take matters
into our own hands. Cover me.

341
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:08,305
Wait, wait. No. No. Don't do it
now, the guard is right there...

342
00:17:08,472 --> 00:17:12,020
Hey, you. Stop that. What kind
of freaks deface a cupcake machine?

343
00:17:12,188 --> 00:17:14,024
Max:
Run, run, run.

344
00:17:16,363 --> 00:17:18,492
Okay, stop, stop, stop. We lost him.

345
00:17:19,703 --> 00:17:21,665
You know you only tagged the wall, right?

346
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,502
Yes. I have no luck.

347
00:17:23,878 --> 00:17:26,007
No one has any luck.

348
00:17:26,174 --> 00:17:30,057
With the possible exception
of Lindsay Lohan's lawyer.

349
00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:34,149
Look, it's Martha. She's getting
in that car. Give me the cupcakes.

350
00:17:34,316 --> 00:17:37,906
I'm going after her before she talks
to that lady whose mouth we broke.

351
00:17:38,532 --> 00:17:41,371
- Max, don't jiggle the cupcakes.
Max: Don't worry.

352
00:17:41,955 --> 00:17:42,999
[Max screams]

353
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,711
[Caroline screams]

354
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:48,260
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god, Max. Are you all right?

355
00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:50,013
Are you all right?

356
00:17:50,181 --> 00:17:51,975
I'm fine.

357
00:17:52,268 --> 00:17:53,812
No broken bones.

358
00:17:53,979 --> 00:17:57,362
Which is surprising because when
i was a kid, we couldn't afford milk.

359
00:17:57,570 --> 00:18:01,244
The only time my mother bought milk
was when my face was on the carton.

360
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:03,499
Are you sure you're all right?

361
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:08,092
Yeah, I guess there
is such a thing as luck.

362
00:18:11,348 --> 00:18:14,229
And tomorrow night,
when you come in for takeout, Sophie...

363
00:18:14,396 --> 00:18:16,858
all Max has to do is
hit this little thing.

364
00:18:17,025 --> 00:18:20,157
Well, if I'm allowed to hit little things,
you're next.

365
00:18:20,324 --> 00:18:23,163
Change makes everyone so tense.

366
00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:27,213
Kitchen is now closed.

367
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,676
I have plans.

368
00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:32,265
Big plans.

369
00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:38,986
Sophie, I understand your relationship
with Oleg is complicated...

370
00:18:39,154 --> 00:18:40,323
so let's simplify it:

371
00:18:40,489 --> 00:18:44,164
Are you having sex in our building tonight,
and do I have to wear earplugs?

372
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,000
I will be alone.

373
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,422
But wear them anyway.

374
00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:52,764
Hi. Sorry, we're closed.

375
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,146
I do not wish to eat.
I just got collect call from Oleg.

376
00:18:58,692 --> 00:19:01,030
She said, we are closed.

377
00:19:01,198 --> 00:19:03,202
Oh, and who are you?

378
00:19:03,369 --> 00:19:08,044
I'm the last person you will see
before you learn how to walk again.

379
00:19:10,131 --> 00:19:15,184
Stay away from Oleg or I'll pull
your intestines out through your nose...

380
00:19:15,351 --> 00:19:18,816
and give them to her
to wear as new necklace.

381
00:19:19,401 --> 00:19:21,488
Fine. I will leave.

382
00:19:21,655 --> 00:19:25,579
But only because you have eyes
of a python and I have possible uti.

383
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,005
Sophie?

384
00:19:30,172 --> 00:19:33,136
Why don't you just admit it,
you and Oleg?

385
00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:36,184
What? It's not like I want him.

386
00:19:36,351 --> 00:19:40,609
It's just that, where I come from,
you never throw anything away.

387
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:43,741
Here you go, ladies.

388
00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:46,538
Enjoy the extra tips
from your credit card...

389
00:19:46,705 --> 00:19:50,671
because when han flips that switch,
the only tip I can give you is...

390
00:19:50,838 --> 00:19:52,759
don't wash your hair every day.

391
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,136
It dries it out.

392
00:19:55,222 --> 00:19:58,270
Okay. Here comes the future.

393
00:19:58,437 --> 00:20:00,941
One, two...

394
00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:07,955
Oh, this old building sucks me so hard.

395
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,419
Earl:
Congratulations, ladies.

396
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:11,838
This is your lucky night.

397
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:16,681
Speaking of luck, here are your pearls.

398
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:19,354
I found most of them,
but I think Chestnut ate a few.

399
00:20:19,521 --> 00:20:22,568
- You can dig for those later yourself.
- Max.

400
00:20:22,735 --> 00:20:24,196
Max:
And it won't look the same...

401
00:20:24,364 --> 00:20:26,827
because you have to string them
on this cheap-ass wire...

402
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:30,208
i got at the hipster bead store,
beading off.

403
00:20:31,378 --> 00:20:34,216
We can add this Earl bonus money
to our business total.

404
00:20:34,384 --> 00:20:38,224
Yeah, that 150 will really put a dent
in the 250,000 we need.

405
00:20:38,392 --> 00:20:41,273
We'll get there. You and I have
something Martha Stewart...

406
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,650
and machines don't.

407
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:45,906
Unpaid bills? Mushrooms growing
on our bathroom rug?

408
00:20:46,073 --> 00:20:47,827
No. Each other.

409
00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:52,545
Aw, a year later, you're still trying
to get me to feel things.

410
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,344
Do you wanna know the real reason
i thought this necklace was so lucky?

411
00:20:56,511 --> 00:20:58,348
I was wearing it the day I met you.

412
00:20:59,434 --> 00:21:02,690
So I'm gonna have some extras.
Do you wanna make one for yourself?

413
00:21:02,857 --> 00:21:07,325
No, I've had plenty of Pearl necklaces,
and I find them more sticky than lucky.

414
00:21:08,410 --> 00:21:09,788
[Cell phone chimes]

415
00:21:09,954 --> 00:21:13,169
Max. "Ms@marthastewartinc.Com."

416
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:16,551
"Haven't forgotten about you girls.
Martha Stewart."

417
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:21,728
Just when I thought I was out,
she pulls me back in again.